


keep me warm

by subsequence



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Cat/Human Hybrids, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Kitty!JB, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Praise Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-05-26 20:51:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15009197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/subsequence/pseuds/subsequence
Summary: The problem is that Jaebum...isn't a cat. At least, not entirely. God, sometimes Jinyoung wishes it were that easy, wishes he could just leave out a bowl of food and water and maybe get his laptop keyboard used as a napping spot when he was supposed to be working and have a simple owner-pet relationship.Instead, Jinyoung has a romantic entanglement bordering on codependency and the worst case of blue balls he’s ever had.And Mark had said that getting a cat hybrid would be good for his blood pressure. What a joke.





	keep me warm

**Author's Note:**

> just a heads up, jinyoung has some issues with his body/self-image in general. take care of yourself if that's something that might bother you ♡
> 
> this started out as a very silly idea talking with shan and cel, and then it sprouted feelings and ran away from me, as usual. thank you to you two for always indulging my jjp nonsense, even when it's about jaebum treating dicks like cat toys
> 
> and of course, as always, thank you to mara for reading over and hand-holding every step of the way ♡♡♡

Sex with Jaebum during his heats is easy.

Well, maybe easy isn’t the right word. Uncomplicated might be a better fit. Jinyoung doesn’t have to think — hell, he doesn’t have time to think when he comes home from working overtime and Jaebum yanks the door open before Jinyoung’s even pulled his key out.

"Need," Jaebum is growling, but it's not the menacing voice he uses when Jinyoung kicks his shoes off in the middle of the hallway or leaves a refrigerator avalanche for Jaebum to find. It's different, has a desperate, whiny edge to it that makes Jinyoung giggle as Jaebum shoves his face against his neck.

"Wow, really?" Jinyoung teases. "I couldn't tell by the fact that you jumped me as soon as I walked through the door. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were a pup instead of a kitten from the way you're humping my — "

"I'm not a _kitten,_ " Jaebum whines even as he undoes the buttons of Jinyoung's shirt and plants his face in his chest with a happy sigh. "I'm older than you."

"But you're still my baby," Jinyoung croons. It's a testament to how far gone Jaebum is to heat that all he does is hide his face even more firmly in Jinyoung's chest and let out a soft mewl. "Come on, let's get to the bedroom and get you taken care of, Jaebum. ”

All of it is uncomplicated. From the push and pull of their banter to the way Jaebum tugs Jinyoung on top of him as soon as they're within reach of the bed — it all falls together like it was meant to.

It's the easiest thing in the world for Jinyoung to settle his body along Jaebum's, savoring the way his breathing hitches and his hips twitch as Jinyoung runs his hands down the fronts of Jaebum's denim-clad thighs. He's built so gorgeously, especially his legs. He looks powerful even laid out like this on his back, spread so wide for Jinyoung that his pants are pulled taut over his hard cock.

Jinyoung lets his fingertips play along the rips in Jaebum's jeans, dancing in and out of the holes in the frayed fabric and teasing the soft, heated skin underneath. Jaebum squirms, rustling the sheets and bucking Jinyoung's hand off.

"Don't tease," he pleads, his voice thin. His tail flicks around to brush against Jinyoung's wrist. "Please just — touch, touch me — be nice — "

There's a part of Jinyoung that wants to ask when he's ever been nice when he could be having fun; but the answer to his own question is right fucking now apparently, because Jaebum is looking at him with such desperate eyes, his hair haloed out around his head on the pillow, almost camouflaging the way his velvety black ears are twitching ceaselessly with nervous energy.

He knows Jaebum isn't a kitten. But there's still some deep-seated urge inside of Jinyoung to provide for him, to brush his bangs out of his eyes and kiss his forehead and tell him not to worry.

Jinyoung isn't sure if this is a cat-hybrid-in-heat thing or just a Jinyoung-is-whipped thing. Either way, the result is the same.

Jinyoung makes it easy, or maybe Jaebum does, or maybe it's all really just the heat. It's simple, to shove Jaebum’s jeans down his legs, to disentangle Jaebum's arms from around him for long enough to pull his cock out of his slacks, to find where Jaebum is dripping and loose for him. To push in on a smooth, wet slide and watch how Jaebum's eyes roll back and he almost chokes as he's finally filled.

It's simple to take care of him when he so clearly needs it. Uncomplicated. Roles clearly outlined, sex just right so it could've been scripted. And, at the end of it all, a happy hybrid. A happy boyfriend.

And that's what counts. Really.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 So sex with Jaebum during his heats is uncomplicated. Sex outside of heat, though — That’s a different story.

Jinyoung has told him before. He doesn't _care_ that Jaebum doesn't experience arousal outside of his heats, he doesn't care that Jaebum can't seem to remember that Jinyoung might want to be touched outside of that time of the month, he doesn't care that — Okay, maybe he cares a little that Jaebum seems to find the roaches that sometimes crawl over from their neighbor's apartment more interesting than Jinyoung's dick, but he tries not to let it bother him. Cats will be cats, after all.

The problem is that Jaebum...isn't a cat. At least, not entirely. God, sometimes Jinyoung wishes it were that easy, wishes he could just leave out a bowl of food and water and maybe get his laptop keyboard used as a napping spot when he was supposed to be working and have a simple owner-pet relationship.

Instead, Jinyoung has a romantic entanglement bordering on codependency and the worst case of blue balls he’s ever had in his life.

And Mark had said that getting a cat hybrid would be good for his blood pressure. What a joke.

The worst part of it isn't even that Jaebum doesn't want to try. God, does he want to try.

"I'm gonna make you feel so good," Jaebum promises, slipping down to his knees in front of Jinyoung. His palms are warm through the fabric of Jinyoung’s pants as they slide down his thighs.

"Yeah?" Jinyoung asks, but the word turns into a shaky exhale as Jaebum gives him a knowing smirk. He feels like a high schooler with how quickly his body reacts to the visual. God, is he really so hard-up that just the sight of his boyfriend on his knees is enough to get him stiffening in his slacks?

"Yeah," Jaebum says, nuzzling against Jinyoung's thigh. His hands have slid around to Jinyoung’s ass now, cupping and pulling so he stumbles closer. The ridge of his hard cock in his pants bumps against Jaebum’s cheek, and Jaebum turns to mouth at it sloppily through his trousers. Fuck, that’s gross. _Fuck,_ Jinyoung thinks he might come in his pants.

“So pretty, Jinyoungie,” Jaebum murmurs, lips catching on the fabric. Jinyoung can feel the heat of his mouth bleeding through, can imagine — no, can practically _feel_ how velvety hot and smooth it's going to be when Jaebum finally swallows him down.

Jaebum’s hands slide around to Jinyoung’s front, and he settles a strong hand against the line of his cock and squeezes lightly. It jumps in his hand and Jaebum smiles up at him lazily even as he rubs his face along it.

Jinyoung can't stop the groan that rises in his chest when Jaebum goes for his belt buckle, the clink of metal and whisper of leather pulled through loops mingling with the sounds of Jinyoung’s heavy breathing.

“Jaebum,” he gasps. “Fuck, I'm not gonna last long.”

“Then I better get started, hm?” Jaebum purrs, slipping his fingers into the waistband of Jinyoung’s briefs and tugging them down until they're digging into his mid-thigh.

The image of Jaebum’s face under his cock, peering up at Jinyoung with lovely eyes that might be innocent if it weren't for the swollen head just a breath away from him mouth — Jinyoung has to close his eyes to hold off as he waits for Jaebum to touch him.

And waits.

And waits.

Jinyoung cracks an eye open. “Babe?”

The sight that greets him seems familiar but it takes him a moment to place it. Jaebum is frozen, eyes laser focused on Jinyoung’s bobbing dick and body held stock still except for a slight wiggle in his hips. His ears are pricked forward and his tail is flicking and he looks like a kitten on the prowl for a toy — which is a very different kind of playing from what Jinyoung is trying to accomplish here.

Jinyoung heaves a sigh, gathering his patience before he speaks.

But he doesn't get the chance to. The deep exhale sets off an unfortunate chain reaction. Jinyoung sighs, his dick bobs in the air, and Jaebum — the fucker hauls off and _slaps_ Jinyoung’s still-hard dick.

Maybe _slaps_ isn't quite the right term. _Swats_ might be more accurate, or _bats at,_ but Jinyoung’s lizard brain is less focused on proper word choice and more on defending his bits from further attack by yelping and jerking his dick away from hybrids who apparently think erections are playthings.

“No, don't take it away!” Jaebum has the audacity to whine.

“You've lost your privileges," Jinyoung says shrilly, his voice cracking from the unexpected assault to his family jewels. "You don't just _hit,_ Jaebum — ”

“I liked it when you did it to me that one time during heat,” Jaebum says sullenly.

“It was _different,_ ” Jinyoung argues. "And that was sexy hitting, not — not rubber mouse on a string hitting.” Jinyoung is mostly soft now, and he sighs down at his limp cock, debating if it would be worth attempting to revive it.

Who is he kidding? If he gets it back up again, then his playful kitten of a boyfriend is just going to give in again to his instincts that say play-fighting is all the fun he needs.

Jaebum pouts as Jinyoung pulls his briefs back up and, after a moment of thought, kicks his slacks all the way off before falling onto the bed. He lies there, feeling decidedly unsexy in a rumpled work shirt, briefs, and the kind of old-man dress socks he promised himself he'd never wear before he got an office job.

Jaebum looks at him blankly. For all that he's a cat, he really does remind Jinyoung of a dog a lot of the time — and right now, one with its tail between its legs.

“Well?" Jinyoung quirks an eyebrow, trying not to feel foolish. “Just because sex isn't happening doesn't mean you're getting out of cuddles, mister.”

Jaebum perks up at Jinyoung’s good humor and leaps onto the bed next to him. Even though they're similar in height, he positions himself so his face is tucked under Jinyoung’s chin and nuzzles. His tail wraps around Jinyoung's waist, the tip of it flicking lazily and happily.

There had been a time when Jinyoung had first brought Jaebum into his house when he'd been standoffish about physical contact, slipped out from under Jinyoung’s touch like oil off of water. Jinyoung had resigned himself to having a prickly housemate and tried to tell himself it could be worse — he could live with Yugyeom.

But here they are now, wrapped around each other with Jaebum’s pyjama pants tickling the hair on Jinyoung’s legs and his ears reflexively flicking whenever Jinyoung exhales too hard near them. Compared to when Jaebum had first moved in, it's a dream come true.

Jinyoung buries his face in Jaebum’s hair, ignoring the surprised noise he makes that sounds an awful lot like a chirp.

Things are so good now between them, Jinyoung tells himself, domestic bliss at its finest.

So why is there a sinkhole opening in his chest? Why is it that, where there had been seemingly solid ground, the steadiness and predictability has caved and exposed a yawning chasm that does nothing but crumble even further the longer Jinyoung examines it? Has it always been there, lingering beneath the surface and waiting for a moment of weakness? Or has Jinyoung dug this hole himself?

Does it even matter where it came from when there's guilt curling around its edges, especially when Jaebum lets out a deep, contented purr?

It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. _None_ of this should matter, because Jaebum is curled up in his arms, warm and trusting, and Jinyoung feels like an absolute piece of shit for the insecurity gnawing at him.

“Love you, Jaebum,” he says suddenly, pressing the words into Jaebum’s hair with a kiss and hoping speaking out loud might drown out his thoughts.

He gets a purr in response.

Jinyoung squeezes his arms more tightly around Jaebum and tries, tries, _tries_ not to think.

 

 

* * *

  

 

It's humorous the first few times. Jinyoung can admit that with hindsight. It's even endearing, to see Jaebum give in to his instincts, become the cat that he is on some level.

Jinyoung should be grateful, he reprimands himself. Grateful that Jaebum is comfortable enough around him to let himself fall into his habitual behaviors, fond enough of Jinyoung to even _want_ to play with him, even when Jinyoung isn't really up for playing.

It's hard to feel grateful, though, when an insidious little part of his mind keeps whispering to him that it's telling, isn't it, that the only time Jinyoung gets touched is when Jaebum is so delirious with hormones he probably doesn't even remember his own name, let alone Jinyoung's.

It might be easier if they didn't try at all. It might be easier if Jinyoung didn't bare himself to Jaebum, emotionally and physically, and get — not even radio silence. He feels like he's gotten up on a stage and poured his heart out only to realize the audience thinks it's stand-up, and not even good stuff at that. He feels like an idiot for thinking that he'd play a little coy, show some skin and — what? Jaebum would suddenly be overcome with a frenzy of lust? Just because Jinyoung decided to flash a hairy leg or a hint of too-soft tummy or — or — any of those things that Jinyoung can't _not_ see when he stands in front of the mirror on their bathroom door after showering?

Sometimes, Jaebum will find him standing there. He'll saunter up behind him, wrap an arm around his waist and his tail around Jinyoung’s hip. He'll call him Jinyoungie and smile sweetly at him and nuzzle into his neck.

The sight alone — Jaebum mostly nude next to him, seemingly content just to be in Jinyoung’s company — once would have sent a flush of smug joy through Jinyoung. But now, instead of seeing Jaebum and only him, he sees them, in comparison. In contrast. Jaebum’s body isn’t as defined as it used to be, but there's still a lingering strength to him. He's broad where Jinyoung is slender, sharp where Jinyoung is round, strong where Jinyoung is weak.

Jinyoung studies the pair of them and tries his damndest to figure out why, out of all the humans in the world, Jaebum picked him.

And the problem is that when Jinyoung looks at his reflection — the way his soft cheeks look doughy under the fluorescent light, the way his shoulders are too slim and look like he never went through puberty, the embarrassing thatch of hair that extends far past where it should by anybody’s standards to look anything but sloppy and bearish — he can't find a single reason beyond the one he dreads the most.

Convenience.

At the end of the day, Jinyoung is there. Jinyoung is the one that's standing in the bathroom, easy for Jaebum to reach. He's been through Jaebum’s heats with him and knows what to expect, knows how to take care of him. Why bother looking elsewhere when acceptable service is right under the same roof?

Jinyoung looks at their reflections in the mirror and imagines how pathetic he must look when he asks Jaebum to touch him.

He isn't sure if he should laugh or cry.

 

 

* * *

  

 

This time is going better, or at least they're getting along further. Jinyoung is on his front so his dick doesn't get mistaken for a cat toy again and Jaebum is half-sprawled over his back, fingers teasing at Jinyoung’s entrance.

He'd fingered himself open before approaching Jaebum. Maybe if he did some of the work himself beforehand, got himself worked up and on edge, then Jaebum might be more inclined to just finish him off. Let things be easy again, the way they're supposed to be.

Jaebum is warm and broad against him, fully clothed where Jinyoung is naked from the waist down, and sweat prickles at Jinyoung’s skin where they touch. His fingers, thicker than Jinyoung's, are just pressing against his rim, the callused pads making Jinyoung’s sensitive skin tingle.

This is promising, Jinyoung thinks. This is closer than they've ever gotten before.

And then the warmth of Jaebum’s body against his is gone as he jolts upright.

“I _see_ you,” Jaebum hisses before bolting off the bed and scampering for the bathroom. “Jinyoungie, the damn neighbors must have roaches again, this little fucker thought it could crawl in right under my nose, right in my _house,_ but don't worry, I'll — Jinyoungie?”

Jinyoung has buried his face in the pillow. He inhales deeply, but it smells like Jaebum, and the exhale is shaky enough that it must be visible in the line of his body.

“Is everything okay? I'll kill the roach, Jinyoungie, it's all right — ”

“It's not — " Jinyoung rolls over on his back, staring at the ceiling and laughing humorlessly. "It's not the roach, Jaebum.”

There's silence before the soft pad of Jaebum’s feet approaches the bed and the mattress dips next to him. “Something's been bothering you.”

It isn't a question. Honestly, Jinyoung doesn't know how he thought he could keep anything from Jaebum. He has his moments — an incident involving a fork, the laundry machine, and Yugyeom’s overpriced headphones comes to mind — but he's perceptive, especially about people, and most especially about Jinyoung.

“Don't worry about it,” Jinyoung says roughly. He reaches over and snatches up the robe he'd placed on the chair beside their bed beforehand, because he'd _known_ this would happen, but he'd foolishly gotten his hopes up anyway — stripped down and opened wide and laid himself out for Jaebum.

He's tired of baring himself.

Jaebum laughs disbelievingly. “How am I not supposed to worry about it if you're this upset?”

“Just carry on like we have been,” Jinyoung says, the ache in his chest momentarily swallowing his conscience and leaving him with nothing but bitterness. “Since that's been working so well.”

There's a beat of silence. When Jaebum speaks again, Jinyoung can hear confusion in his voice. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Jinyoung lifts his hands to his face and rubs at his eyes. “Just — It doesn't mean anything, Jaebum.”

“No.” Jaebum grips Jinyoung’s wrist and tugs his hand away from his face. “Talk to me, Jinyoung.”

“I don't want to,” Jinyoung says mulishly. “It's stupid, anyway.”

“Jinyoung, please — ”

“I said, I don't _want_ to, Jaebum,” Jinyoung snaps.

“Well, that's rough,” Jaebum snaps right back. “Because last I checked, there were two people in this relationship, and I'm not on whatever convoluted page you're on.”

The injustice of it wells up in Jinyoung. Not at Jaebum, really — at himself for being so upset, at the fact that he couldn't keep it to himself, at the universe for deciding this whole mess should happen and happen to Jinyoung.

“It doesn't matter if I'm bothered when things were going fine." Jinyoung exhales harshly. "I don't want to inconvenience you."

"Inconvenience me?" Jaebum repeats. "What does my convenience have to do with anything?"

"Doesn't it have to do with everything?" Even as the words leave his lips, Jinyoung is hit with how ungrateful he sounds.

"What — How did we even get on this topic?" Jaebum sounds confused, exasperated. "One minute everything was going fine, we were having a good time and then — "

"And then my own boyfriend decided that a roach in the bathroom was more interesting than me." Saying it out loud is humiliating. Not only for the fact that Jinyoung feels demanding and ungrateful, but also the fact that he's saying it and it's _true._

Jaebum looks like he's been slapped. "Jinyoung — "

"And it's fine, like I said," Jinyoung insists, shoving down the shame welling in his throat that threatens to choke his words. "I can just — just deal with it, I don't know why today it got to me — "

"Jinyoung, I don't think you're less interesting — "

" _Don't —_ " Jinyoung cuts himself off with a sharp inhale and lets the breath out slowly before he continues. "You don't have to comfort me just because you feel bad, Jaebum. It's fine."

"I'm not just saying it to comfort you," Jaebum says. "I just — I didn't know. I didn't mean to make you feel like — like I don't love you."

Jinyoung pulls a pillow into his lap to give his hands something to hold onto, something to focus on.

"Jinyoung," Jaebum pushes. "You do know I love you, right?"

Jinyoung plucks at a thread at the corner of the pillowcase and remains silent.

" _Jinyoung._ " There's a hand at his shoulder now. "Come on, look at me."

Jinyoung ignores the command and stares down at his hands when he asks, "Why do you?"

"Why do I what?"

"Love me."

There's a silence in which Jinyoung can practically see Jaebum's stunned expression even though he isn’t looking at him — mouth dropped open, blinking slowly. Fondness squeezes in Jinyoung's chest at the thought, made painful by the jagged edges of doubt that have dug into his heart.

"For...a million reasons, christ — "

"Then why am I not — " Jinyoung makes a small, pained noise. "Why don't you want me?"

"What?" Jaebum's hand falls on top of Jinyoung's and squeezes it painfully tight. "I do want you, I've spent all my heats with you — "

Jinyoung lets out a bark of laughter. "Right. Your heats."

Jaebum frowns. "What about them?"

"You can't — You don't see yourself when you're in heat," Jinyoung says lowly. "You're so...desperate — "

"I know," Jaebum says sharply. His ears are laid flat against his head, his shoulders hunched and his gravity of center lowered. "It's embarrassing."

"It's embarrassing," Jinyoung repeats, but the words still sting just as much the second time around. "The only time you want me is...embarrassing."

Jaebum blinks. "The...what?"

"We don't ever — " Jinyoung swallows hard. "You don't touch me outside your heats."

The corners of Jaebum's mouth turn down in confusion. "I touch you all the time."

"Not — Jaebum, please."

"We do some stuff," Jaebum says. "Just earlier, we were — "

"And then you found something better to do." Frustration bubbles in Jinyoung's gut, swirling with the doubt and the hurt and rearing up into something ugly and angry and scared. "The only time we ever actually finish anything is when you literally can't stop yourself, when you'd just take anyone fucking you for relief. And that's supposed to make me feel loved and wanted?"

Jaebum's eyes widen with every word, and when Jinyoung falls silent, Jaebum sits there with his mouth working as if he wants to speak but can't find the words. Finally, he says, "Is that really what you think?"

"I — It's how I feel, anyway," Jinyoung says, feeling pathetic.

Jaebum nods, his lips pressed into a hard line. "That's how you feel."

Jinyoung lets his chin fall down to his chest.

"What if I told you," Jaebum says slowly, "that you're the only person I've ever spent my heat with?"

"You — " Jinyoung is left speechless, words dying in his throat.

"I know I'm a hybrid, but I'm not an actual animal." Jaebum's voice is disparaging, familiar temper doing little to mask the wounded look in his eyes.

"I get that," Jinyoung says. "But — But other times you're so — Jaebum, most humans don't just abandon sex to go hunt roaches. Can you blame me for — for thinking — "

"That I just used you as some sort of sex toy?" Jaebum asks. "Like all I care about during my heats is getting fucked, like it's not vulnerable and fucking _scary_ to let someone just — see me like that — "

"Jaebum — "

"You really think of me like that?" Jaebum's voice shakes, and Jinyoung can't tell if it's with rage or hurt or a combination of both. "You think that lowly of me?"

"It's not you," Jinyoung bursts out.

Jaebum snorts. "Right. It's not me, it's you, yeah?"

"Yeah." To his horror, Jinyoung can feel the heat of shame not only in his cheeks, but starting to prickle behind his eyes too. He forces his breathing not to tremble. "I know you're making fun of me, but — yes."

Jaebum pauses, losing momentum as he's clearly caught off guard. "What do you mean?"

"It's me." Jinyoung forces his mouth into a thin, empty smile and he stares at a spot on the wall where the paint has chipped. It's easier than looking at Jaebum. "I'm the one that I think of lowly. Congratulations, you've cracked it."

"But — what does that have to do — "

"With your heats?" Jinyoung finishes for him. "Because doesn't it just make sense that you only want me when you're in heat?"

"That's not — " Jaebum is hoarse. "Don't be stupid — "

A self-deprecating laugh scrapes its way up Jinyoung's throat. "Right. Stupid Jinyoung, throwing a fit because his cat hybrid boyfriend acts like a cat sometimes. Stupid Jinyoung, being ungrateful because he's not getting as much attention as he wants. Stupid Jinyoung, thinking someone could actually want him — "

Hands cup his cheeks and thumbs swipe beneath his eyes. Jinyoung realizes Jaebum is wiping away the tears that are starting to burn their way down his cheeks. As if this whole encounter hasn't already been an exercise in humiliation. God, Jinyoung just wants to go back, take it all back —

"Stupid was the wrong word," Jaebum murmurs. "I'm sorry. You're not stupid."

"Feel pretty stupid." And he does — Jaebum holding his face like he's trying to hold him together, his own hands propped uselessly on the pillow in his lap, crying because he just wants to be touched.

"You're not," Jaebum repeats, more firmly this time. He drops his hands to rest on top of Jinyoung's and shifts closer on the bed, closer to Jinyoung's side until his knees bump against Jinyoung's thigh. "You're one of the smartest people I know."

Jinyoung lets out a wet laugh. "That's definitely not true."

"You are," Jaebum insists. "You're good with people and you read so much and — "

"Well, someone alert MENSA," Jinyoung says dully. "He's cracked open a self-help book."

"And see, you're funny," Jaebum says.

"Everyone else says I'm not. They think I'm lame."

"They're the lame ones." Jaebum gives him a smile. "Clearly, the two of us are just on a different level."

"You're not funny either," Jinyoung reminds him.

"We laugh a lot together," Jaebum replies. "I think we're funny enough."

"Why are you being like this?" Jinyoung asks, exasperated.

"Like what?"

"Like — " _Like I'm important._ "Like you're some kind of devil's advocate."

"If I'm trying to love on you, does that make you the devil, then?"

"Depends on who you ask." Jinyoung huffs out a breath. "And you've completely derailed the conversation."

"I don't think I have." Jaebum's tail goes from swishing playfully behind him to winding along Jinyoung's forearm. "I'm being like this because...you should have someone on your side. Especially if you aren't on your own."

Jinyoung's breath hitches. "Jaebum — "

"And before you say anything," Jaebum interrupts. "I'm not doing it out of convenience or obligation."

“That just sounds suspicious.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to prove it to you.” Jaebum smiles at him before biting his lip and saying hesitantly, “I’m sorry that...some of the cat stuff has been bothering you. I don’t even think about it, it’s just — ”

“No, no,” Jinyoung says hastily. “That’s not — I don’t mean I want you to _not_ be — or not act like — ”

“It’d be easier if I was human though, wouldn’t it?” Jaebum says. His tail is tucked away, curled against his body instead of around Jinyoung’s arm. “I mean, humans don’t have to worry about heats or...any of this.”

“It’s okay,” Jinyoung reassures him. “I know cats are less affectionate, it’s fine — ”

“What?” Jaebum asks, affronted. “We’re not less affectionate. Who told you that? Ugh, was it Jackson? You know you can’t trust him about hybrid stuff, he only knows about himself and other dogs — ”

“No, I mean — it’s just common knowledge, right?”

“No,” Jaebum says stubbornly. “Just because I don’t _piss myself_ when you walk through the door — ”

“Jackson only did that once, and he was a puppy.” Jinyoung admonishes him, but he can feel the beginnings of a giggle bubbling in his chest. It feels strange, after how hollow he’s felt throughout this conversation, but Jaebum is weirdly good at that — at finding those empty spaces and filling them up, building Jinyoung back up in the places where he's fallen.

It's part of why all of this has hurt so much. Jinyoung is used to being able to turn to Jaebum when he's gotten trapped in his own thoughts. Hell, he's used to Jaebum sometimes knowing he's upset before he knows himself. Being forced to face himself with no reprieve, no escape, because telling Jaebum had been the one thing he was avoiding — of course, he's made himself miserable. Of course, the solution had been to talk to Jaebum instead of convincing himself that it was better for both of them to try to hide it.

It’s all so much clearer with Jaebum by his side.

Jaebum is still grumbling about Jackson and dogs in general. “It’s propaganda against cats. Just because we aren’t loud doesn’t mean we don’t _mean_ it.”

The petulance in his voice is endearing, and Jinyoung can't stop himself from leaning a bit closer. Jaebum turns toward him with his eyebrows raised in a questioning look.

Jinyoung resists the urge to pout. After all, nonverbal hasn't really seemed to work so well for them on the affection front. "Come here."

Jaebum tentatively scoots closer on the bed, tail curling curiously behind him. Jinyoung waits, hoping Jaebum will maybe lean forward for a kiss or at least a nuzzle; but when it doesn't happen, Jinyoung swallows down the lingering worry from their conversation — _what if he's being presumptuous, what if Jaebum doesn't want to be touched, what if Jinyoung's asking too much like he always does_ — and he reaches out.

His fingers graze under Jaebum's chin, where he's got a little softness to him instead of all the sharp lines of his face that first drew Jinyoung's eye. Jinyoung lets his nails graze along the skin, scratching under his chin, and Jaebum's eyes slip closed, practically melting before Jinyoung's eyes. He pushes against Jinyoung's hand, wriggling his face to get a better angle and crawling closer until he's half in Jinyoung's lap.

This, at least, Jinyoung knows he's good at. It's familiar to see Jaebum curling up against him, warm and basking in the affection Jinyoung gives him. Easy, as usual.

But then Jaebum cracks an eye open, regarding Jinyoung thoughtfully, before he shoves his face into Jinyoung's neck. The breath catches in Jinyoung's throat when he feels it — the press of soft lips against his neck, chaste and gentle, right where he's most sensitive. It sends a tingle sparking across his skin, makes him let out a shivering sigh.

Jaebum murmurs something, but it's muffled against Jinyoung's neck and he laughs at him. "I can't hear you, babe."

Instead of pulling back, Jaebum kisses up Jinyoung's neck until he's nuzzling against his ear. "You sound cute when I kiss you there."

"Yeah?" Jinyoung asks, trying not to sound too smug at the attention, but his voice veers into a yelp when Jaebum burrows into his neck even deeper. “That _tickles,_ you weirdo — ‘

But Jaebum doesn’t stop, clambering into Jinyoung’s lap and adding his fingers digging into Jinyoung’s sides to the equation until Jinyoung is wriggling wildly under him, gasping for breath between peals of laughter and shrieks of _stop tickling me, you bitch, I’ll murder you, I know where you sleep —_

They’re a tangled mess of limbs by the time Jaebum bears Jinyoung down on the bed, his fingers finally curling into the fabric of Jinyoung’s robe and falling still. He presses one more kiss to Jinyoung’s neck.

Jinyoung groans. “I’m all sweaty now. You’re disgusting.” Still, he curls his arm around Jaebum, caging him in as he combs through his hair with his fingers, occasionally scratching behind his ears.

“You’re welcome,” Jaebum replies.

He’s a little too big, too broad and muscular, to be lying on Jinyoung the way that he is — it leaves him a little breathless, pinned under Jaebum’s weight.

But Jinyoung tugs him closer, pulls his weight more firmly against him. He presses a kiss into Jaebum’s hair. “Love you, Jaebum.”

Jaebum purrs. And then he says, “I love you too.”

 

 

* * *

  

 

Jaebum is not particularly good at subtlety, as evidenced when Jinyoung wakes up one morning and starts shuffling around only for Jaebum to tear into the room and shove him back into bed.

“Jaebum,” Jinyoung wheezes. “What the fuck are you — ”

“You have to stay in bed,” Jaebum says seriously. “It’s important.”

“What?” Jinyoung still isn’t awake enough to process his sudden journey to being horizontal again, let alone whatever Jaebum is trying to accomplish. “Are you hiding something?”

“No,” Jaebum says shiftily, avoiding Jinyoung’s eyes.

“Jaebum,” Jinyoung says warningly. “The kitchen better not be on fire — ”

“When have I ever set the kitchen on fire?” Jaebum asks indignantly. “Other than that one time with the towel, which wasn’t even a real fire, anyway.”

Jinyoung gives him a pointed look.

Jaebum pouts. “Just wait, okay?”

Jinyoung pulls a face but acquiesces, letting Jaebum scuttle back into the kitchen to do...whatever the hell he’s doing. Jinyoung runs his hand over his face and sighs. Hopefully, it’s nothing illegal.

He distracts himself with scrolling through his social media, bookmarking videos of cute animals to show Jaebum whenever he’s done with his mystery task. It’s a nice, lazy start to the day. Jinyoung realizes it’s been a while since he let himself do this, even on a weekend. He lets himself doze a bit, eyes fluttering occasionally as he drifts in and out of consciousness, aware of little beyond the downy warmth of the comforter wrapped around him and the weight of his phone in his hand.

The sound of Jaebum clearing his throat tugs him back into reality, and Jinyoung opens his eyes to the sight of Jaebum at the foot of his bed. He’s holding Jinyoung’s lap desk, the little cushioned tray he uses to do work at home on the couch; but instead of being weighed down with papers or his laptop, it’s laden with a steaming bowl of congee, a plate of fruit, and a glass of milk.

Jinyoung takes in the sight and asks blankly, “What?”

“It’s for you,” Jaebum says, shifting his weight from foot to foot and staring down at the tray shyly.

Jinyoung blinks. “What?” he repeats.

Jaebum looks small and nervous, ears flicking restlessly and tail down. “Cat affection.” He holds out the tray. “Bringing you nice things.”

Jinyoung raises an eyebrow. “Is this your hybrid version of dropping a dead bird at my feet?”

Jaebum frowns and his cheeks flush slightly. “I — Well, when you say it like that — ”

“C’mere.” Jinyoung beckons him closer, and then gently wraps a hand around the back of Jaebum’s neck — Jaebum’s favorite spot to hold him, too — and presses a firm kiss to his lips. “I love it, Jaebum. Thank you.”

Now that he’s properly awake, the care behind the gesture is finally hitting him. Warmth unfolds inside his chest, rushing through him and finding those empty spaces, all the cracks in the foundation, seeping into them and filling them. It isn’t perfect, isn’t enough to fix everything entirely in one go; but it leaves a wash of reinforcement, a small but promising step toward strength someday. It tugs at the knot raveled up in Jinyoung’s heart. Just a bit, but just enough for this morning. Just enough for this moment.

Jaebum’s face isn’t just slightly flushed anymore. He’s bright pink and smiling widely, his eyes folding into sweet crescents that Jinyoung can’t stop himself from dropping kisses onto as well. “Be careful,” Jaebum murmurs. “I don’t want to drop this.”

“Set it down on the nightstand,” Jinyoung says.

“But it’ll get cold — ”

“Set it down and come here,” Jinyoung orders. Jaebum snaps his mouth shut and obeys.

When he’s back within reach, Jinyoung pulls Jaebum to sit beside him on the bed and winds the blanket around them. Their knees are bumping awkwardly and it’s a little hot underneath the comforter, but Jinyoung just leans in closer and nuzzles against Jaebum’s cheek.

“Thank you for the affection,” he whispers. “Whether it was cat or human.”

“You’re welcome,” Jaebum replies. “And it was definitely cat.”

 

 

* * *

 

  

The next time Jaebum insists on something, Jinyoung already has a sneaking suspicion it’s another carefully planned display of cat affection.

As soon as Jinyoung comes home from work, Jaebum is there, peeking his head around the corner from the hallway. “Don’t you want to shower?”

“I — ” Jinyoung tries to subtly lift his arm and sniff. “Are you saying I need to?”

“No, no,” Jaebum says hastily before pausing. “Actually, if I said yes, would that get you to do it?”

“Shut up,” Jinyoung says as he slings his bag over the back of one of the kitchen chairs. “If you want me to shower with you, just ask.”

Jaebum pulls a face and disappears around the corner. It takes approximately twenty seconds for him to show half his face again and mumble, “Do you want to shower together?”

Jinyoung walks over and mollifies him with a kiss on the cheek. “Was that so hard?”

Instead of gracing him with a verbal response, Jaebum tugs him by his sleeve down the hallway, into their bedroom, and through the door of their en-suite. Jinyoung stops short when he sees the bath that they usually use for storage cleared out and scrubbed clean.

“Jaebum,” he says quietly. “This isn't a shower."

"Not exactly, no."

"Do I want to know where all the shit from the bath is right now?”

“Probably not,” Jaebum admits. “But I did get bath bombs?”

Jinyoung feels his resolve crumble, both at the prospect of pampering and at the timidity in Jaebum’s voice. “Well,” he says. “The shit from the bath can be a problem for future us.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

It’s funny, Jinyoung reflects as he watches Jaebum run the bath. He’d assumed when Jaebum first moved in that he’d be averse to water, but apparently Jaebum’s desire to be clean trumps anything else. He isn’t sure if it’s a catlike urge to groom or if it’s just Jaebum’s personality. Maybe it’s somewhere on a sliding scale between the two. Maybe it doesn’t really matter.

When he’s stripped his clothes off and slipped himself into the water, he isn’t sure what he expects Jaebum to do. He is sure that he doesn’t expect Jaebum to do what he does, which is strip down just the same and climb into the bath on the side opposite Jinyoung.

“What?” Jaebum demands, tail winding around his front self-consciously.

“I like looking at you,” Jinyoung says honestly.

“You get to look at me every day,” Jaebum grumbles before sinking down in the bath until only his nose is above water. It doesn’t stop Jinyoung from knowing exactly the pleased smile he’s trying to hide beneath the surface.

“True, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still appreciate it.” Jinyoung crawls forward in the bath, careful not to slosh water out the sides. He may be willing to indulge Jaebum (and himself too, just a little bit), but there are some things that he doesn’t wish even on future him, and mopping up the bathroom floor is one of them. “Don’t hide, baby.”

Jaebum surfaces just enough to talk. “I’m not hiding,” he insists. “And this is supposed to be about you, anyway.”

Jinyoung arches an eyebrow. “Another cat affection thing?” He thinks for a moment before realizing. “Grooming?” When Jaebum nods, Jinyoung chuckles. “You know, humans bathe together too.”

“Why do you keep undermining me when I’m trying to do nice things for you?” Jaebum whines. “Turn around and let me wash your hair. Asshole.”

Jaebum's words are playfully sharp, but his hands are infinitely gentle as he works shampoo into Jinyoung's roots. Jinyoung sinks into him, letting his head tilt back so shampoo won't run into his eyes. The muted lapping of the water at his skin, the carefulness of Jaebum's fingertips massaging his scalp, the softness of his thighs on either side of Jinyoung — it all makes him feel cradled in warmth, cherished and held near and dear.

"Don't fall asleep on me," Jaebum says as he reaches for the shower head to rinse him off. Jinyoung doesn't have to turn around to know he's smiling.

"Your massage skills aren't that good," Jinyoung says drowsily. " _Oh,_ that's nice, though."

"Is it?" Jaebum sounds incredibly amused.

"You know it is," Jinyoung grumbles. "Don't fish for compliments."

"Who's fishing?" Jaebum has replaced the showerhead and is now simply massaging Jinyoung's neck and shoulders, hands broad and strong as they work the tension out.

"Oh, _Jesus,_ " Jinyoung whimpers. "And don't you fucking dare say, 'No, just Jaebum,' I _will_ start a fight in this bath right now."

"Me? I would never." Jaebum's hands smooth down Jinyoung's back, water and whatever was in the bath bomb making the glide silky and easy.

"Does this even count as grooming, anyway?" Jinyoung asks. "Baths aren't that good for actually getting clean."

"Stop questioning my cat credibility," Jaebum says, poking him in the back. "I washed your hair."

"You know, Im Jaebum," Jinyoung says playfully, leaning back so he can rest his head on Jaebum's chest. "I'm starting to think this whole _cat affection_ thing is just because you want an excuse to be close to me."

"Idiot," Jaebum says. "It's not an excuse, it's the whole reason in the first place."

"Oh." Jinyoung is glad Jaebum can't see his face. It's probably a combination of shocked and flattered, and Jaebum doesn't need that to lord over him at a later date. "Right."

"Cute," Jaebum says, lips brushing the shell of Jinyoung's ear.

Jinyoung lets out a token whine of protest, but tilts his head so Jaebum's face can tuck just so into his neck.

"Are you warm enough?" Jaebum asks. "The water isn't getting too cold?"

"No," Jinyoung replies. "Not at all."

"You're sure?"

Jinyoung reaches back and cups the back of Jaebum's head, strokes behind his ears.

"It's perfect."

 

 

* * *

 

  

One of the things that Jinyoung appreciates the most about Jaebum is that he knows the value of a quiet night in. Each on their own end of the couch, ankles crossing each other's and feet brushing while they read in blissful silence apart from the rustle of paper.

By the time Jinyoung has to stifle a yawn three times before turning a page, he figures he's had enough conscious silence and is about ready to head to the bedroom for some unconscious silence. He extricates himself from their setup, book in hand as he traipses toward the bedroom.

It's not until he's already tossed the book on his side of the bed and stripped off his shirt that he realizes he can feel the weight of eyes watching him. He turns toward the door. "Can I help you?"

Jaebum doesn't move, hovering in the doorway. "Just looking."

"Yeah?" Jinyoung slips off his jeans and tugs on pajama pants. “You should come over here and do more than look.”

The permission seems to be all Jaebum is waiting for, because he strides into the room and eagerly throws himself onto the bed, eyes glimmering in the evening light as he looks up at Jinyoung.

“Like what you see?” The words slip past Jinyoung’s lips as a joke and he winces once they’re out. They sound dated, corny, a little desperate. A pretty good summation of how Jinyoung thinks he probably seems all the time.

But all Jaebum says is an earnest “yeah,” his eyes fixed on Jinyoung’s face like he physically can’t tear them away. It’s the kind of attention that makes heat rush through Jinyoung’s face, but not the bad kind, not the humiliated kind — it’s the kind that makes him want to curl into his boyfriend and slide his hands under his shirt just to feel the warmth of his skin, just to get a physical sense of the closeness that Jinyoung feels from his gaze alone.

So he gives in to the urge and climbs into bed, pressing as close to Jaebum as he can. Like this, with his face shoved into Jaebum’s neck, it’s easier for him to say, “I’ve been trying to do some research on...cat stuff.”

“Cat stuff?” Jaebum’s voice is low and soothing, a warm rumble in his chest that Jinyoung can feel against him.

“Affection,” Jinyoung clarifies. “Like you’ve been trying to show me. I mean — You know what I mean.”

“Yeah.” Jaebum sounds amused. His hand rests in the dip of Jinyoung’s waist, his fingers tracing aimless patterns against the bare skin.

“But you didn’t tell me,” Jinyoung says. “You didn’t tell me about a lot of the small things.”

Jaebum’s hand pauses. “What do you mean?”

“Like what you did earlier, when you followed me into the room after I left. Or when you bite — ”

“Humans bite too,” Jaebum says defensively.

“Not quite like you do,” Jinyoung says. “But — I like the way you do it.”

Jinyoung can feel the satisfied purr that rumbles through Jaebum’s chest. “Yeah?”

“Mm-hmm,” Jinyoung hums in affirmation. “I like the way you do most things, really.”

“I wish I was recording this,” Jaebum says. “So I could play it back the next time you throw a fit about something.”

“Fuck off,” Jinyoung says amicably. “You’re just as likely to throw a fit.”

Jaebum lets out a small _hmph_ of dissent, but his arm curls tighter around Jinyoung’s waist, squeezing him close.

“Jinyoung?” he breathes, so quiet that it’s barely audible even this close. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For...researching on your own, I guess.” Jaebum sighs. “Thanks for putting in the effort.”

“It kind of feels like doing the bare minimum,” Jinyoung admits. “It feels like something I should’ve done a long time ago.”

“I don’t know about that,” Jaebum says. “But...as far as right now? I — It means a lot. To me. So thank you.”

“Of course,” Jinyoung whispers. “I just wish — ”

“No,” Jaebum cuts him off. “Just say you’re welcome. That’s all you have to do.”

“But — ”

“No.”

“Jaebum — ”

“Nope.”

“ _Please —_ ”

“Not quite.”

“You’re welcome,” Jinyoung finally says, exasperated, but he can feel the corners of his mouth turning up in a smile. When he pulls back enough to see Jaebum’s face, he’s smiling too, and a laugh bubbles up in Jinyoung’s chest. “You asshole.”

“That’s more like it.”

Jaebum kisses him while he’s still smiling. It’s messy and awkward and makes Jinyoung aware of the fact that he probably needs to brush his teeth, but he goes with it, molding to the warmth of Jaebum’s mouth until it becomes wonderfully, blissfully easy.

 

 

* * *

  

 

Even with all the steps Jaebum’s taken, all the building blocks he’s used to fill in where Jinyoung feels like he’s fallen through and ended up empty, all the bridges they’ve started to build together, Jinyoung finds it difficult to agree to try sex outside of heat again.

“I don’t know, Jaebum,” he says, rubbing at the nape of his neck. “I’m just not sure that it’s worth it — ”

“We don’t have to do it the same way we did before,” Jaebum reassures him. “Not so balls to the wall.”

“We really never got to any step that was balls to the wall,” Jinyoung replies, “but okay.”

“I mean — ” Jaebum coughs, weirdly awkward about verbalizing things so much more innocent than what they’ve done during his heats. “Okay, hear me out.”

“Okay,” Jinyoung says dubiously.

“You touch yourself,” Jaebum offers. “And I sit with you and talk you through it.”

“Well.” Jinyoung licks his lips. “That sounds like it could be my own personal circle of hell or like it just might work.”

Which is how he finds himself sitting next to Jaebum on the bed, starting to undress with his fingers trembling and his heart in his mouth.

It's embarrassing at first. It reminds Jinyoung a little too much of all their botched attempts before with the way he's unbuttoned his shirt and unzipped his slacks and Jaebum is simply sitting there watching. It's slightly unnerving until Jaebum crawls up the bed and pushes lightly at Jinyoung's shoulder to make him lie down on his back.

"Is this the best — " Jinyoung starts.

"Trust me," Jaebum urges. And then he lies down alongside Jinyoung. It’s not such a stark contrast as the last time they tried; Jinyoung has access to his own cock, but he’s not naked from the waist down like before, not bare and chafing against Jaebum’s jeans.

Jinyoung finds himself being grateful for their similar heights — he can feel the way they’re pressed together from Jaebum’s nose nuzzling his ear to their legs tangled together, grounding him in the moment.

“I don’t really know how different this is going to be,” Jinyoung says, hating how breathless he sounds already.

Jaebum butts his head lightly against Jinyoung’s neck before pressing his face against the soft skin. “Cat affection,” he mumbles. “And the — our scents being close. It’s nice.”

“Is it?” Jinyoung asks.

He knows Jaebum is sensitive to scents that Jinyoung himself is completely clueless to — hell, when he’d first brought Jaebum home, Jackson had refused to be alone in the same room with Jinyoung for a while on account of him smelling “like a cat pissed on him,” which Jinyoung took every offense to.

Eventually, it came out that Jaebum had been rubbing his scent all over Jinyoung’s clothing while he was at work until any hybrid with a working nose would be able to receive the very clear message he was sending — this human belongs to someone. Even after they solved that issue, Jaebum has always been fond of keeping his face buried in Jinyoung’s neck, winding their bodies close until they’re almost indistinguishable.

It’s smart, actually, if Jinyoung thinks about it. Instead of trying to completely suppress his nature and pretend to be human, Jaebum is trying to override it with a different instinct. It’s smart enough that it calms some of Jinyoung’s anxiety. It’s smart enough to give it a shot.

Jinyoung supposes that something good that comes out of their lack of regular sex is how heightened his sensitivity is. He’s almost painfully aware of everything — the warm puff of Jaebum’s breath against his neck, how possessive his hand feels on Jinyoung’s stomach, the tickle of Jaebum’s tail against his arm.

When Jaebum speaks, his lips catch on Jinyoung’s skin. “You should touch yourself for me.”

“Oh, god,” Jinyoung manages, voice feeling strangled in his throat.

“Jinyoungie,” Jaebum purrs. “I want to see you feel good.”

And it’s always been easy, to give Jaebum what he asks for. It’s just that now, he’s asking Jinyoung to take care of himself instead of Jaebum. It’s freeing in a strange way, to be given explicit permission, _direction,_ to make himself feel good, to slip his own hand up his chest to tease a nipple with his fingertip.

He’s always been so sensitive here, the simple rub of the pad of his finger over his nipple sending small rippling shocks of pleasure down through his gut. A tiny choked noise gets caught in Jinyoung’s throat and he sucks his lower lip between his teeth to stop anything louder from getting out.

Jaebum hums against his neck, noses up against his earlobe. “I told you I want to see you feel good,” he murmurs. “I want to hear you feel good too.”

Embarrassment wars with the urge to please Jaebum and, deeper down, the urge to let himself just _feel_ something without working it to death in his brain until it wears thin and dissolves in his hands. When’s the last time that Jinyoung really, truly just paid attention to what his body told him without worry, without hesitation?

Jaebum’s lips drag against the delicate skin of his neck in a slow, open-mouthed kiss, hot and humid and close. It makes Jinyoung feel cloistered and pinned even when Jaebum is doing nothing to hold him down. Arousal jolts through his body, knocking his knees against each other as he squeezes his thighs together instinctively. Without thinking, his fingers close around the nipple he’s been teasing and pinch, kneading the soft bud between his fingertips and sending pain skittering across the surface of his skin even as pleasure drips hot and thick between his thighs.

“Lovely,” Jaebum whispers. Jinyoung feels each syllable against his neck, every gentle exhale. “So beautiful, Jinyoungie, so good.”

The attention, the praise, the intense heat that feels like it’s burning wherever they touch, it all makes Jinyoung’s other hand shake as it reaches down. He tries to pace himself, letting out a shaky breath as his flat palm runs over the plane of his stomach, down over his belly. He lets his nails drag over the trail of hair and tries not to give in to the anticipation. Fingertips trailing over the waistband of his briefs, dancing downward just for a moment where his cock is straining hard and full against the fabric before back up again, back up to the skin so fine, so sensitive, that even touching himself makes Jinyoung want to squirm against the mattress and curl his knees up.

“What are you waiting for?” Jaebum asks. He’s kissing Jinyoung’s neck properly now — the wet slide of lips, the hot drag of his tongue, the dull press of his teeth. Jinyoung can’t stop himself from going limp against the pillows, a high-pitched gasp leaving him.

“Don’t — wanna embarrass myself,” Jinyoung grits out. The hand that had been playing with his nipple is lying flat against his chest now, but every time Jaebum sucks lightly at his skin, his fingers clench and his nails dig into his own skin. It doesn’t help with holding back, not when the stinging ache makes his cock twitch heavily and leak in his briefs.

“You won’t,” Jaebum promises. “You’re doing so well, Jinyoungie, I want to see it, want to see you come.”

Jinyoung lets out a wordless whine, turning his head toward Jaebum’s and kissing aimlessly along his hairline. Jaebum makes a quiet sound of surprise, but after a moment, he lifts his face to Jinyoung’s and bumps their noses together.

“Kiss me,” Jinyoung breathes. Jaebum huffs out a small, fond laugh, and then presses his lips firmly to Jinyoung’s.

It’s warm when Jaebum’s mouth opens against his, letting his tongue sweep slow and sensual across Jinyoung’s; it’s hot when he sucks Jinyoung’s lower lip between his teeth, wet and full; and it’s scorching when Jinyoung finally, finally gives in to the temptation and pushes trembling fingers beneath the waistband of his briefs and brushes them against the head of his cock.

He can’t tell if it’s the wait or the intensity of Jaebum’s attention, but every sensation feels overwhelming, sticking in Jinyoung’s mind and overexposed to the point of fuzziness. He can’t remember the last time he was so _aware_ of everything when he touched himself. His cock feels velvety under his grip, skin soft even as he throbs when Jaebum digs his teeth into Jinyoung’s lip.

Jinyoung gasps into Jaebum’s mouth, running his fingertips over the head of his cock where he’s dripping precome. He’s wet, so wet that when he smears it down underneath the head right where he’s most sensitive, it’s an easy glide. It feels a little like being inside Jaebum, like rubbing his cock through his slick before slipping into wet heat.

Jinyoung breaks the kiss with a whimper, head falling to the pillow as his eyes flutter shut. He rubs two fingertips at his frenulum. It’s too much, too sensitive, the pleasure burning and curling in his gut so it’s almost painful. There are tears burning behind his eyes and a desperate keen building in his throat, but he keeps working circles right beneath the head, feeling precome dribble weakly out of his slit.

“Smell so good like this,” Jaebum whispers, and he sounds so happy, so content. “My Jinyoungie.”

The possessive tone pushes Jinyoung’s breath out of him in a groan. Without even thinking, he curls his hand properly around his cock, drags the precome down over his shaft, strokes back up and squeezes tightly under the crown and feels himself pulse in his grip.

“So pretty when you feel good,” Jaebum continues. “So pretty always.”

Jinyoung’s free hand flies up to cover his face, his face on fire with embarrassment at the praise; but his body reacts to it anyway, his hips jerking up to fuck into his fist. He starts up an unsteady pace, panting harshly against one hand while the other works over his cock in embarrassingly wet strokes.

“Don’t you think you’re pretty?” Jaebum asks. He sucks Jinyoung’s earlobe between his lips, toys at it with his teeth and tongue. It feels oddly filthy, right where Jinyoung can hear the soft wet noises of Jaebum’s tongue against his skin, and it makes his whole body shudder. “Don’t hide, Jinyoungie. Look at yourself.”

Jinyoung lets out a choked mewl and shakes his head, pressing his hand even tighter over his eyes and biting his lip so hard he’s sure he’ll leave the imprint of his teeth. “I can’t,” he manages. “It’s too — I’m just — ”

“You’re so gorgeous,” Jaebum says. “So perfect, so lovely. Please look for me, Jinyoungie, I want you to see — ”

The words alone are so much to handle. The praise, the fondness — they make Jinyoung squirm just as much as the slick sound of his cock fucking into his hand. But then there’s the tone of Jaebum’s voice. He sounds reverent, like Jinyoung really is as beautiful as he’s saying, like he’s never seen something so lovely in his life —

Jinyoung lets his fingers part and opens his eyes to peek through them.

“There you go,” Jaebum murmurs, but it’s lost in the rush of arousal that hits Jinyoung, like waves crashing over him as he looks down at himself. The visual — he has to admit that Jaebum isn’t wrong. It’s quite something, the sight of his slender fingers wrapped tightly around his shaft and the head of his cock appearing in his grip when he thrusts up, swollen and slick and red from how turned on he is.

Even as Jinyoung watches, Jaebum’s worshipful words make his thighs clench and precome drip down over the curve of his thumb. It’s so wet and filthy, but Jaebum is right. It’s beautiful in a perverse way, in the way his skin gleams with slick, the deep red flush of his cock and its echo in the pink of his knuckles, the clench of his abdomen and the jerk of his hips with every thrust.

He can’t remember the last time he looked at his own body and felt an appreciation like this. But he does, and it burns hotter in his belly than any shame he’s felt before.

“Isn’t it pretty?” Jaebum asks. “Aren’t you so pretty?”

“Yeah,” Jinyoung chokes out. “I — Yes.”

“Can’t wait to see you come,” Jaebum whispers. “Want to see you feel good for me, my Jinyoungie.”

And that — that’s all Jinyoung can handle. His fingers slip down to his mouth and he bites down on them as his breath catches and his hips lose their rhythm. He watches as his cock jerks in his fist and come spurts out over his hand, up his belly in sloppy white strokes. With every pulse, a moan pushes out of his throat, thin and needy as he comes all over himself.

As the haze from his orgasm fades, Jinyoung realizes that was...probably faster than someone his age should come. Just some praise, a few tugs, so little if he really thinks about it —

His thoughts are cut off by Jaebum burying his face deep in his neck with a happy purr, his arm wound around Jinyoung’s chest to hold him as close as he can while still avoiding the mess on his front.

“Perfect,” he says again. “Perfect Jinyoungie. Thank you.”

It’s funny, Jinyoung reflects, how those few words can do so much to head off the doubts that started to curl in his brain immediately, how Jaebum seems like sunlight banishing shadows from even the darkest corners of his mind.

“No,” Jinyoung says, still breathless. “Thank you.”

Jaebum simply presses a kiss against his neck, chaste and gentle now. “You’re welcome.”

It’s not so different from their cuddles other times, but now there’s something more to it. It’s not because of the sex, or at least Jinyoung doesn’t think so. He thinks it might have something to do with the openness Jaebum had shown him, with the easiness of the affection between them.

Yeah, Jinyoung thinks. This whole exploration into affection is one of the best things that’s ever happened to them.

“I like you like this,” Jaebum murmurs, his voice a warm rumble that Jinyoung can feel in his chest. He noses along the curve of Jinyoung’s ear, nips at the lobe with teeth just a bit too sharp to be fully human. “Like it when I'm close to you and you smell like you're mine.”

And the orgasm had been satisfying, had felt a little fuller and thicker in his veins with the press of someone he loves against him, but Jaebum’s words are better than any touch.

Where there had once been an aching need, Jinyoung’s heart feels full to bursting.

 

 

* * *

  

 

Even during Jaebum’s next heat, things are different.

Instead of mewling wordlessly and trying to hide his face, Jaebum won’t stop, won’t let him forget — _Jinyoung, please, need you, just you, Jinyoungie_ — and while he might not be able to meet Jinyoung’s eyes the entire time, the few shy glances he manages up through his lashes while Jinyoung carefully undoes his clothes for him are more than enough.

He cups Jaebum’s face for a moment before helping him tug his shirt over his head and his pants and boxers down his legs. With all his lovely skin showing — tanned on his arms and legs, pale around his hips and belly, all with moles dotting it like a map for Jinyoung to follow with his lips — Jinyoung is hit by the urge to tease him, to draw as many sounds out of those bitten lips as he can. He just wants Jaebum to _feel_ as much as he makes Jinyoung feel, to have it well up inside him until he can't hold it back anymore.

He starts at Jaebum’s jaw and trails butterfly kisses down his neck, across the dip of his collarbone. The touch of his lips is faint, barely there, and Jaebum arches up wildly underneath him with a gasp of his name.

Jinyoung doesn't stop, keeping the kisses airy and teasing down Jaebum’s belly, down the neat little trail of hair, across the swell of his hips.

By the time Jinyoung is settled between his thighs, Jaebum is already panting harshly, every exhale just a whisper away from a groan of pained need. When Jinyoung looks up, Jaebum is looking at him through eyes almost closed, glassy and feverish. He _needs_ Jinyoung.

Jinyoung revels in it. He soaks up every whine, every moan of his name, swallows it ravenously as he smears his lips across the inside of Jaebum’s thigh in a sloppy kiss.

“Jinyoung, _Jinyoungie,_ ” Jaebum pleads, his thighs trying to clench around Jinyoung’s head. It's suffocating, but Jinyoung simply buries his face between Jaebum’s legs and savors the feeling of being so wanted.

Jinyoung takes Jaebum’s cock easily, keeps his mouth wet and soft around it and lets spit drip down the shaft, messy like Jaebum likes it. Jaebum’s hips jerk uncontrollably, trying to fuck deeper into Jinyoung’s mouth. “I need to — I need it — ”

Jinyoung just grips Jaebum’s thighs and guides his hips to fuck even faster, implicit permission, and Jaebum sobs as his body spasms. Come fills Jinyoung’s mouth, hot and bitter, and he swallows it greedily, suckling at the head of Jaebum’s cock even when he's done.

The heat keeps Jaebum from going soft, but he's still sensitive right after orgasm. Jinyoung peers up at him, meets his eyes as he drags his lips slowly up the shaft, making sure Jaebum can see the pull of his mouth over his cock.

Jaebum writhes, hands flying to his head and pulling at his own hair. “Jinyoungie, _fuck,_ ” he's gasping, whining.

Jinyoung pulls back, making sure to let the head of Jaebum’s cock _pop_ out of the wet ring of his lips. “Do you need something?” he teases. “Have something you want to say?”

Jaebum whispers something but it's too quiet to hear.

Jinyoung shifts up Jaebum’s body, leaning over him until their noses brush. “What'd you say, baby?”

“Love you,” Jaebum breathes, barely voiced, but they hit Jinyoung as hard as a shout. “Jinyoungie.”

Jinyoung’s heart twists painfully, joyfully, and he lets himself fall on top of Jaebum, ignoring the mildly panicked huff of breath and _Jinyoung — !_

Jinyoung’s hands find Jaebum's and he tangled their fingers together. Jaebum’s thick fingers between his, the breadth of his body beneath him, the pound of his heart against Jinyoung’s own.

It wasn't easy to get here, Jinyoung thinks, but god, is it worth it. It wasn't easy to sit on their bed and spill his most painful thoughts to Jaebum, it wasn't easy to voice his needs, it wasn't easy to let Jaebum see those weakest parts of him that really needed attention the most.

But now, with a confession on Jaebum’s lips, not new but no less powerful than it's always been, the difficulty melts away and everything turns as rosy as the flush in Jaebum’s cheeks. Maybe it wasn't easy, but it was absolutely worth it.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum asks, slightly breathless beneath him. “Is something wrong?”

Jinyoung pulls back and looks him in the eye.

“No,” he says truthfully. “There's nothing wrong at all.”

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/mianderings), [tumblr](http://dearings.tumblr.com), or [cc](http://curiouscat.me/mianderings)!
> 
> also please look at [miki's adorable art](https://twitter.com/monikirogers/status/1014680164972802048) that came from the discussion of how exactly cat hybrid ears should work, he's so precious TT TT


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